My son just asked me what is it like to have children.
So I interrupted him every five seconds until he cried.

10 years ago  

I asked my son what he wants me to get him for Christmas.
He said, "Google Glasses!"
I said, "OK, and I know what glasses are."

10 years ago  

ohh..... :D

10 years ago  

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

10 years ago  

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta ..

10 years ago  

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.

10 years ago  

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

10 years ago  

Apparently being a mother is the hardest job in the world. They're probably right.
I can definitely see brain surgeons struggling to put Frozen into a DVD player.

10 years ago  

Is Google a woman? I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions.

10 years ago  

"Daddy, can we go to a haunted house this year?"
"What's wrong with the one we live in?"
"WHAT?"
"Goodnight son"

10 years ago  

If I've learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it's that everyone speaks English after they die.

10 years ago  

Two girls speed down the highway at 90 mph.
"Hey," asks the brunette at the wheel. "Do you see any cops following us?"
The blonde turns around. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Damn!" says the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turns around again. "Yup. Nope. Yup. Nope. Yup."

10 years ago  

If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious...
I'd wonder who was paying me, and why?

10 years ago  

My dog always barks when there's someone at the door.
I don't know why, as it's never anyone for him.

10 years ago  

First woman on the Moon:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind"
What's the problem?
"Nothing"
Please tell us?
"You know what the problem is."

10 years ago